Part 3 of a series....

I'm already thinking about what I wrote about moving naturally and starting to get annoyed, but I'll save all my grievances for the wrap-up post.

I hope this isn't too boring of a discussion, I just really loved this documentary series Living to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zone because there were NO HACKS!!!  In this day and age, everyone wants a hack.  And if I'm being honest there are some hacks that we need.  The expectations and actual real-life responsibilities of women in this current world are astronomical and honestly not realistic, even though we continue to carry them and work through them like they are.  Women need hacks to get things done and to push through everything that is thrust on us and what we bring onto ourselves.   In a way, magical thinking is a type of hack to help us stay grounded and focused on what we can control.  

I believe everything has a balance, dichotomy, yin/yang to it, so to speak.  Hacks are no different.  There are good hacks, things that support your mental and physical well-being, magical practices, cooking the same food every week so you don't have to think about it, hanging up all your laundry so you don't have to fold it, whatever, things that actually help you and make you function better in your day to day.  Then there are hacks that are harmful, and these fall into a lot of the toxic wellness I spoke of at the beginning of the series.   Things that are primarily reserved for those with a lot of extra income to buy supplements, sauna blankets, ice plunges, etc.  

A little aside, I love when i see an ad that's like 'it costs as much as just ONE cup of coffee a day'.  Yeah, but if I buy all the things that are only one cup of coffee a day, for every day of the week then it's like 7 cups of coffee a day, every day, and that just might not be sustainable.  Anyway, I digress, money is just energy and infinite but seriously, get another tagline influencers.

Back to hacks.  Harmful hacks can be those that actually make you feel worse about yourself, I'm looking at you keto and intermittent fasting.  Just don't eat between these hours, then you do and you feel like a failure.  Anyway, you know what I'm saying, it's all perspective and you need to understand your limits.

But let's get back to the point.  The second concept I want to discuss is CONNECTION (now maybe the Leann Rhymes song reference makes sense?).  The sub-components of CONNECTION are Family First, Right Tribe, and Partnership.  

So why is connection important?  This is not a new topic, this has been getting more and more airplay since the pandemic.  WE ARE LONELY here in America.  And I think women and moms have an extra complicated situation regarding tribe/family/relationships...etc.  Connection is important for stress management, tend and befriend is one of my favorite concepts that I hope to dive deeper into.  When our stress levels go up, we get into fight, flight, or freeze, and these are nuanced and vary with personal experience, but after the stressful event our body needs to release hormones to calm down, some people get exhausted, some people can't come down until they actually move their body, physically run it out, and others need to share the event to kind of offload.  

Well, we now have a ton of micro stressors in our culture and we don't often get to offload in the ways that would be best for us individually.  When this CONNECTION piece is in play on a regular basis then it helps to manage these stressors.  And, if you haven't heard, stress in our mind causes damage to the body, it affects sleep then you don't heal as well, then you want to eat crappy food, then you feel like crap, then you don't sleep well, then you don't handle your kids well, then they stress you out... and on and on and on.  So yeah, connection can keep us more even-keeled and happier!  

The problem in our society is that our connections are not always valuable or helpful.  In the docuseries they showed family parties and relaxing, dancing, and having fun.  Well, I'm pretty sure all over Instagram during the holidays is how to survive your family.  And our connections with friends can also tend to be an added stress vs helpful.  Now I lean more introverted, so this is biased, but the way I see it is that when we see our friends it can be so irregular that it's loaded with alcohol and shitty food and then we wake up the next morning thinking 'Thank God I only do that every once in a while' or when we do see our friends there is always a great big sugary treat involved.  And I am never one for food shame, but I know that food and emotion can get confused, like 'I can't have the cookies until they come over then I can eat as many as I want', neither statement is true BTW.  

In the series, the connection was so normalized and at regular intervals that it was mundane, that magical stress relieving properties of that 1:1 was built in so they didn't even realize it was happening.  THAT is the cultural difference we should try to implement.  The series showed these amazing women's circles, church groups, exercise classes, and weekly celebrations and it was all lovely.  But I also understand that when you are tired on a Thursday and even if you knew it would be good for you to go see a friend, you might not want to because sitting in your house without a bra on scrolling your phone feels better in the moment.  That's the actual reality we live in.

So how can we add this wonderful connection into our lives without needing to add more to our calendar?  Here are my suggestions: (As always, a spiral, start at number one and then see if you can add more)

  1. Make a connection with EVERYTHING.  Need a shoulder to cry on? Go talk to a tree and sit under it, it won't talk back.  Go through the checkout line at the grocery store WITH a cashier, ask them how their day is.  Tell the barista what a lovely day it is.  If you're on a walk, notice the birds, squirrels, and leaves blowing, and wonder where they're going or what they've seen.  
  2. Change it up.  If you do regularly have a date with a friend and you seem to do the same thing, same bar, same restaurant, first examine that, and get a little mindful if you are using emotional eating tactics as part of the situation.  If that's the case then see if maybe you can switch up your hangouts.  Add a walk, go antiquing, a farmers market morning, try a class you've never done before.  Just make sure the 'relaxing' part of your friendship isn't contingent on extra alcohol, deep-fried, and added sugar.
  3. Make it consistent.  The idea of accountability partners or trainers/coaches to help people follow through or be successful because that other person makes you feel like what you're doing matters.  They cheer you on, they help you vent, they push you to where you don't think you can go.  Adding that into our regular day-to-day isn't a bad idea.  Could you add a regularly scheduled walk where you call a friend and you talk each week?  Or maybe you talk to a friend while you're folding/hanging the laundry.  Is there a place in your schedule where you could block out for connection?  Now this doesn't have to be anything formal, but if you know every Thursday at 2 p.m. it would do you good to do some connecting before the weekend rolls you over, then block it out.  You don't have to have something specific to connect to at this time, but maybe you look for things, a book club, or you just text a different friend at this time.  But you're making it a priority to connect with others that make you feel BETTER after the interaction.

The thing about connection is that the Magic of it all will appear when and how you least expect it, and that makes it even more fun.