You're Enough. Even if for the rest of the day you did nothing else but sit and scroll, you are enough. You were enough. You will be enough.
For whatever you've been through, for whatever is to come, you are enough.
In our society, we start to think we are only of value based on likes and views and dollars in the bank, what kinds of Pottery Barn knock-offs we can put in our home, the cute family Christmas card, the new car in the driveway, and on and on.
Those things do not and will not ever make someone enough. They can bring you joy, they can represent hard work you may have accomplished and there is nothing wrong with wanting those things, but they cannot actually equate to your self-worth.
I'm not telling you they can't, like stop thinking that, I'm saying, actually, they are not able to give you that. If they could we would have so many more happy people in the world. Our billionaires wouldn't be some of the worst examples of human specimens if things validated our feelings of enoughness.
And you're thinking, 'Sara, I know, I am not materialistic, I know physical things cannot fill the hole of worthiness'.
Well, then I challenge you to consider other ways in which you think you need to do/be/act in order to be good enough or deserving in this life.
MOM GUILT. PARTNER GUILT. CHILD GUILT.
Really all the guilt trips we travel down are paved with not enoughness. The guilt we feel is because we think there is a way we are failing someone in our lives. Put another way, if we were able to do the thing, then we would be enough, and we wouldn't feel guilty.
Brene Brown (amazing) talks all about the guilt/shame spiral and how all of those emotions negatively impact us and our relationships. She has a great quote (that I literally just googled as a personal refresher):
No matter how much gets done, or what is left undone, I am enough.
I bring this up because I was struggling with it in my marriage. I am great at lots of things, but there are ways in which I cannot meet everyone's needs and still be a sane person. I was tired, I was coming up on day 20 of my cycle (my personal doomsday), and I was feeling so guilty as a partner. Thought spirals about how I wished I could change or force myself to be different, and I was making myself miserable. I could physically feel myself wanting to peel out of my skin. After a great chat with my therapist, I took some time and had the realization that I am stuck in this mental vice because at the core I am thinking that I am NOT ENOUGH. And that just isn't true.
I went to my husband and told him that, I said 'The silly voices in my head are telling me that I am not enough because I can't get this right, and I need you to tell me that even if I am never able to do this it's going to be fine and you accept me' and he was like, 'umm, yeah, it's not that big of a deal, you're being crazy.'.
Now what I said to him was a little problematic and codependent, I'm a work in progress. I should have, and am working on, is telling myself that no matter if I never follow through on any of the things, that's ok, I am enough, I am who I am meant to be and take me or leave me, I am enough.
Does that sound defeatist? Should we be saying I AM ENOUGH TO DO ALL THE THINGS AND I AM ABLE TO DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO I AM ALL MIGHTY WOMAN!!
Well, I think yes, definitely, when the time calls for it. But I also think we need to be realistic and gentle with ourselves, that life takes all the turns and our actual bodies are changing every day which can affect our mental health. I think it's helpful to know that with nothing I am still enough because I know when I have the strength and all the knowledge I need to do the thing I will still be enough.
It's like if you were riding a bike. If you get on the bike and you fall off and skin your knee. Then someone yells at you and screams 'GET BACK ON THE BIKE RIGHT NOW, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!' or says 'Ouch, that looks like it hurt, let's sit here until we're ready to try again'.
Which one of those people do you want inside your head?
