Part 4 of a series...

OK, over halfway through. At this point you probably could have just watched the docuseries and gotten all your own take-aways, but whatever, we're pushing forward.

The third component of Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zone is OUTLOOK, and under that category, the host highlights Faith, Purpose, and Unwind. Even as I look at the words I just typed there is a little bit of a physical *groan* I can feel in the pit of my stomach. In the series they made this look great and idyllic. People in Sardinia going to mass daily, cowboys of Nicaragua and shepherds in Greece, daily siestas, and weekly parties or large family dinners. All these things just looked beautiful. You probably should just watch the damn thing by now.

But when I think of these topics through my cynical American lens it feels cringey. I had a church I loved in Baltimore, and yet I still struggled to get there consistently. I know lots of people who still find value in the 'church' structure, but I know even more who have a lot of negative feelings growing up in religious upbringings. But the word faith doesn't have to mean church. Let's look at the word - faith - Having complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

That in itself is a constant magic spell because we've all lived lives where we have had faith in something and it has let us down, maybe time and time again.

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and agnostics, and maybe you'd even consider yourself one, and the one common trait I see in these people is they have kind of given up on themselves. They have just accepted what is and are just going through a lot of the motions, really cynical, and listless. They're fun and I love them, but you can tell something is missing there. I honestly think if they just had faith in themselves and had a guiding purpose they would move throughout their lives differently. They would have more ease and could bring that to other aspects of their lives.

Faith in yourself is really I think the most important thing you can have. You've made it through all your battles so far and you're still swinging. It doesn't necessarily matter how you think you got here, but just knowing you'll be able to get through whatever life throws at you because of what you're built with is something amazing.

When you have faith in yourself I think the idea of personal purpose and unwind tend to follow naturally.

Really quickly, the importance of purpose is to have a reason to get up in the morning right? To keep having a reason. We've all seen it in our grandparents or older generations around us. When people retire at 65 without a real purpose they flounder, sit and watch TV, don't move, get stiff, sleep cycles get funky, get depressed, and then what is the reason to go on? You also probably have an example of a spry older adult who is 80+ going to the hair salon, making the brownies, and showing up at the picnic where everyone says 'they look great for their age', purpose has a lot to do with that.

So we gotta start with the faith in yourself. That will lead to a purpose and when you are honoring yourself as a divine being you will know that you need to unwind.

And how do we do that? Well to have faith in yourself that doesn't mean you can take on more, put yourself last, and push through to get things done. No, you've proven that you can do that countless times.

No, we're going to start by:

  1. Make a list of all the things that are important to you. What puts you at ease and makes you feel your best? Fresh flowers, always a candle burning, no clutter, shoes put away, no dishes in the sink, stretching every day, going on walks. Just make the list. Notice things you enjoy or don't care about that might go against the expectations of others. Are there things that 'good moms' should do that you don't care about in this season? Yeah, then let it go. Have FAITH that if it is important to do it will happen when it needs to.
  2. Faith is nothing without a practice. It is a verb, it must be in action. So from the list above, circle a few things that practice your faith in yourself. These are CERTAINLY mundane tasks, but like we've said there is a flip to every coin, so putting the shoes away AGAIN might make you want to scream, but maybe thinking about it in a way with a mental message like 'I align these shoes to align my mind', can help it feel less sucky. Or when you go through the school papers or mail and you tear it up because you hate the clutter you say 'I honor a clear mind, and tear away the clutter'. Something like that, have fun with it.
  3. Purpose. You might be in a job you hate. You might be home with toddlers and aren't sure what you're supposed to do. That's OK. That's great actually. Because you can have faith that your purpose at this moment is to take care of yourself. So when the world starts getting you down that you should be doing something amazing, or volunteering, running, or whatever, you can remind yourself that your purpose is to honor YOU in the best ways you know how. You are a servant to yourself because when you are at your best you can bring the best to the others in your life. I'm sure you touch so many people's lives that you are enough of a purpose for now.
  4. Unwind. In almost every religious practice that I can think of there is a day of rest. Have Fun. Now in the thick of motherhood that can look like being in a quiet dark room for 12 hours. And you might not even be able to think of something fun. I play a card game on my phone. My kids think it's so lame, but I love it because I can win every game, there is always a right answer. That helps me. Is it a beautiful wonderful dinner party, or a moonlit bath, no those things feel like too much work sometimes so the fun is sucked out of it. Play Mario Kart and lose, play apples to apples, and laugh your butt off. Unwinding shouldn't be hard because it needs to be consistent. We talked a few times about how fun can turn toxic quickly, so know yourself, drinking a bottle of wine every time you need to unwind means you need to unwind more often.
  5. Remember it's a season. I do hope one day to do big lovely bubble baths all the time, and I'll have dinner parties full of laughter and I'll go to fancy resorts. But when that happens, it'll probably be because my kids don't need or want me around as much, and my purpose and my faith in myself will need to look different. I'm not guilting you into the whole 18-summerabout thing. I just want you to keep the faith that what you need today, won't be true in 5 years, 1 year, or maybe even 6 months. So just believe in yourself and these will all fall into place.