Last night I chatted with a mom who is having a really rough time. Going through things I can't really relate to. All I could do was listen and offer compassion.
We all are probably going through lots of little things that the people around us can't really understand. And we can hope that they would offer you the same compassion you would offer them for whatever they are going through. That's the thing about moms, and I'm sure it applies to dads but I'm not here to speak for them, the thing about moms is that we can relate to ALL the mundane tasks we have to do every day, that's like the baseline. Then when another momma is struggling with something EXTRA on top of that, we get it, we get that it makes those annoying things like feeding kids and keeping them clothed just a little bit harder.
So while I was talking to this wonderful woman going through this hard time, all I could do was say 'We'll be thinking about you' and 'sending you guys so much love'. All that is true, but it feels so flat in today's thoughts and prayers Facebook world.
Then I started thinking about all this neuroscience. There is a study about how people who prayed for a random person in the hospital had improved outcomes compared to someone who wasn't prayed for... the spooky part, the hospitalized patients who were being prayed for were suffering from a blood illness 10 years BEFORE the prayer study took place. So that's a whole different topic about the time/space continuum, but still, pretty cool. And Carl Jung had all these theories about how prayer can stimulate different parts of our brain that 'logic can never reach', and guess what, they're proving that with hard science now.
What about collective consciousness? Where all of our brains are somehow connected at a deeper level. The way our brain puts out electrocurrents of positive or negative energy can affect not only our emotional AND physical functioning but also those around us. I mean come on, you've been really pissy at some point where you just stomped around the house trying to make everyone else grumpy too right? no, just me? cool.
Based on these theories, academic research, and anecdotal findings, I would like to propose the practice of COLLECTIVE PRAYER for mommas in need.
Now prayer isn't about talking to some gauzy figure up in the sky, it can be, that's your choice, but what it's really about is just putting out an intention, a series of ideas and thoughts that you'd like to see come to fruition. I can't be the only one who has gone to bed at night saying 'Please let me get some sleep tonight', that's it, that's a prayer.
But intention is really important I think, kind of like the volume knob in your car. If you are listening to your favorite song, but it's at volume level 1 you're not going to rock out. But as you go up, the amount you enjoy the song is going to increase too.
So let's make a little spiritual practice for it. I would love it if I could make this a regular practice for myself, but even if you/me only do it when we come across someone that needs it, I think that's great as well.
So find a candle, any candle, even a flameless LED, and sit somewhere quiet where you won't be distracted for a few minutes. Sit somewhere with a flat surface so you can set the candle down. Choose a place that is relaxing to you, maybe a clean corner of your bedroom, a closet, or the bathroom. Maybe even put in some earbuds so if there are little people around you won't be as distracted.
Take 3 really deep cleansing breaths, just to kind of clear out the cobwebs and get you settled in. Shake out your shoulders, roll your neck, whatever just to get all the thoughts of the day off.
Now decide who you're going to pray for, if prayer is too triggering then just consider who you're going to shine a light on. If that person is you, then so be it. If you can't think of someone specific, think of a difficult situation you recently went through, and consider who might be going through something similar right now. Picture that person in your mind.
Now light the candle. Take a deep breath. Let whatever words come to you just come, same them out loud or just in your head.
Think about what would be helpful to say to this person. Think about if you could do anything for them what would it be. Think about what that person needs and visualize giving that to the person.
While you're thinking all these thoughts, if it feels okay, try rubbing your hands together, build some heat with the friction. Then place your hands over the flame, then maybe take that heat and place it on your heart.
This doesn't have to take long, maybe only a minute or two. You might feel like an idiot, but sometimes this is all we have to give to another person, at least with this kind of 'thoughts and prayers', it's sincere, it's kind, and it has the power to give you some peace and maybe call in some actions that could lead to physical help you could offer this person/group of people in the future.
It's also kind of nice to know that when you are going through a bad time, there might be someone out there praying over you.
Here are some words I offered to this woman I was talking to yesterday to give you an idea:
I understand that you are feeling powerless right now. I hope you find the answers you need to give you and your family peace. I hope you find the doctors who will see and say the things you need to have a better understanding of what is going on. I want to give you a night without worry, and a day with ease, it is out there for you and I hope it finds you quickly.
There is no wrong way to do this, I used to think it was so obnoxious when someone would say 'I'm praying for you', because I would picture them talking to their judgey racist god about whatever someone else is going through. Now I realize that was kind of judgey of me. I think we need more people praying for, well, more people.
